Borderline Personality Disorder Vs Complex PTSD

Published October 11, 2016 by beachboxer

Rape and PTSD

I know I have covered this in a previous post where I discussed the DSM IV and how I felt the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder didn’t fit my symptoms. This diagnosis is only a recent one (within the past few months) as my psychiatrist thought I was displaying behaviours that weren’t part of either PTSD or depression.

I had a good chat with her at my last appointment before my last hospitalisation and she agreed to re-look over my notes and see about the diagnosis. However, I then saw her un-expectantly the week after when I had taken a turn for the worse and was told I was going in to hospital. Due to this, our conversation has been forgotten about and so here I am again, trying to get the diagnosis changed.

Since my last conversation with my psychiatrist I have done a lot of reading and watching…

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Fentanyl overdoses are just the beginning

Published September 1, 2016 by beachboxer



Yesterday, August 31, was the 15th International Overdose Awareness Day. The worldwide harm reduction movement used the occasion to warn that only the widespread adoption of evidence-based strategies—particularly supervised safe injection facilities—will stem the growing global epidemic of overdose deaths caused by the cheap and ultra-powerful opioid painkiller fentanyl.

What advocates of harm reduction are not warning us about just yet are the eight or nine other synthetic drugs—many of them refinements of fentanyl and almost all of them significantly more potent (or toxic, if you will)—that are just beginning to make their presence felt in street drugs.

For the moment at least, it’s enough to know that fentanyl-related drug overdoses and overdose deaths are on the rise all over the world, including here in British Columbia and that the situation will almost certainly get much worse before it gets better.

And, simply put, when harm reduction advocates say…

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Being A Girl: A Brief Personal History of Violence

Published December 7, 2015 by beachboxer

So Very True.. Words I cannot get myself to say, or write, and More. Thank you for your voice – I will reblog until I can write

The Belle Jar


I am six. My babysitter’s son, who is five but a whole head taller than me, likes to show me his penis. He does it when his mother isn’t looking. One time when I tell him not to, he holds me down and puts penis on my arm. I bite his shoulder, hard. He starts crying, pulls up his pants and runs upstairs to tell his mother that I bit him. I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone about the penis part, so they all just think I bit him for no reason.

I get in trouble first at the babysitter’s house, then later at home.

The next time the babysitter’s son tries to show me his penis, I don’t fight back because I don’t want to get in trouble.

One day I tell the babysitter what her son does, she tells me that he’s just a little boy, he doesn’t know…

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The Twisty Story of my Semicolon Tattoo by Mary Rowen

Published November 25, 2015 by beachboxer

I’m getting closer to blogging for myself – and closer to telling MY truth. My REBLOGGING is likely foreshadowing this :-/


In John Irving’s novel Until I Find You (my favorite of his many wonderful works, for reasons I’ll explain in a minute), there’s a passage about a man with a semicolon tattoo. In fact, if you’ve read Until I Find You, you may think of it as Irving’s “tattoo book,” because it includes an incredible amount of information about the art of tattooing, the history of the art, and the various reasons people get tattoos. After reading it, I was certain of one thing: I’d soon be getting some ink.

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A REBLOG fm Elephantpress / How I feel most of the Time / LOVE IT – It’s OK

Published November 2, 2015 by beachboxer

Couldn’t See a REBLOG function, but HAD to copy and bring here. All my #CPTSD and #PTSD friends will Identify, Actually Anyone who has suffered and survived Anxiety, Depression – even just being Overwhelmed in day to day life. It is OK. Just Breathe – and for Heavens sake – Don’t beat yourself up! Love jj

When All You Can Do Is Breathe.
Stacy PorterVia Stacy Porter on Oct 29, 2015

Life is a journey full of ups and downs. The path is windy and confusing. There are too many choices or not enough.

I once heard, “If you want to make God laugh, make plans.”

All you can do is breathe.

There was a single moment, so small that I wonder if it really happened at all, when I thought I had everything figured out. There was stillness and confidence, love and light, peace and prosperity. It wasn’t just contentment and what was happening, but excitement and honest anticipation of what I could see unfolding in front of me.

But, all you have to do is blink and it could all be gone.

All you can do is breathe.

Now there is only uncertainty and questions, gossip and half-truths that seem like lies because the energy behind them is lacking and forced, out of one’s own desires to forget and heal, but not forgive and be honest.
There are so many questions that can never be answered and that forces me to look at life in a new light, from a whole new perspective. Instead of loving the unknown and waiting for plot twists in my own story, I am surrounded by resentment and am lost at what to do. How can I help? How can I serve? How can I be there for you when I’m not sure how to be there for myself.

All you can do is breathe.

Some people are moving on with their lives. Some people never cared. Some people will just stay quiet, because none of us are sure what the right thing to do is. We are lost, spiraling out of control, and wishing for some solid ground to stand on, but the earth shook so hard that nothing is upright, nothing is straight, and nothing is forthcoming. Instead we must push through our own foggy road, reaching out our arms with every step we take, afraid that we’ll be the next to fall over the edge.

All you can do is breathe.

When all you can do is breathe, it’s hard to see beyond what we think is there. We get lost in ideas and fears, images and daydreams that can lead us down a darker rabbit hole than we intended. When we’re searching for answers, but find nothing but more questions, it’s easy to feel resigned and helpless, lost and alone.

Sometimes all I want to do is wrap myself up in a mountain of blankets and let the sound of the rain outside my window lull me into sweeter dreams and take me to worlds far better than this one.

But even my dreams aren’t safe sometimes.

Sometimes my dreams take me places that scare me more than what I was leaving behind.

But, when all we can do is breathe, all we can really do is keep living.





It’s all the same. It’s a constant struggle to pull clean air into our lungs when we feel like we’ve been pushed under water and can’t figure out which way is up. The waves are too strong, yanking us around in the sea, holding us down from the light we so desperately want to reach.

But when all we can do is breathe, that air we inhale into our lungs will eventually be what lifts us up out of the water. It will be what pulls us up to the surface so we can break through the water and finally let the sun kiss our skin. It will be what attracts us to what we need, who we need. It will be what reminds us that life is change and that all we can really do is put one foot in front of the other and breathe.

There is no right or wrong.

There is no up or down.

There is only light and that light will flush out the dark if we let it.

We just need to breathe.




Be thankful for the divisiveness of this election.It gives us a new chance to define our nation.

Published October 11, 2015 by beachboxer

A Wonderful Thanksgiving Blog fm my FAVE Blogger. We are in the HEAT of a Federal election which she describes well. I am grateful, after reading this to realize that I have 2 good friends with POLAR opposite Politics than me – I agree to disagree & laugh. I have a nice online friend and we BOTH rave our opposite views and ignore each others posts – buddies after election and avoid Politics now. I think we are all capable of least online. lol

Recovery from narcissistic abuse, is slow and painful.

Published October 11, 2015 by beachboxer

My Mother… and now to my dismay… my brother..who I protected fm her – all my life. He is doing this to his wife and kids..and Me over Moms estate – spent the whole thing- cause he knows I can’t fight. 😦

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD


Narcissists thrive only for themselves. They are completely self motivated, feel entitled to everything they want to do, have no compassion and no remorse. They lack empathy completely.

Narcissists and sociopaths, operate in similar ways.

They use you as prey.

They get close to you, build up your trust, mimic your emotions, take full advantage of your vulnerability, get you on your own, build a relationship where you begin to need them and depend on them.

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